Breeds of Misery: Generational poverty, playing Santa Claus in a department store, being mugged by a pack of feral boys

Best/Worst Verse: "But give my daddy a job 'cause he needs one, he's got lots of mouths to feed. But if you've got one I'll have a machine gun, so I can scare all the kids on the street."

If the poor black kids of "Santa Claus, Go Straight to the Ghetto" are positively begging for a visit from the fat white man, the poor white kids aren't nearly so gracious. This and David Sedaris's great essay on playing a Macy's elf serve to expose the seedy underbelly of the department store Santa trade. 

(If this isn't enough yuletide misery for you, check out last year in my Annotated Playlists.)

AuthorJohn Proctor