Breeds of Misery: Banishment from Earth, slave labor for robot overlords (I mean protectors), Christmas pie made from Soylent Green
Best/Worst Verse: "We really hope you'll come and visit us soon. I mean we're literally begging you to visit us. And make it quick before they [MESSAGE REDACTED]."
My friend Richard recommended this one to me last year when I did the first miserable dozen. Hearing this one (and watching the video by the Jonathan Coulton Project) totally recontextualized what Christmas misery can entail. Romantic problems, substance abuse, even institutional poverty and world hunger feel so, well, earthbound compared to the Andersons' tale of woe.
(If this isn't enough yuletide misery for you, check out last year in my Annotated Playlists.)