Breeds of Misery: Psychotic ex-husbands, drunk Santas, childhood

Best/Worst Verse: "He threw a present really hard that almost hit Mom's new boyfriend Ray/And yelled, 'Ho-ho, lucky for you she's here,' and said that Santa can't stay"

Call this one the reverse "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," or that awkward moment when a kid simultaneously realizes 1) Santa doesn't exist and 2) Mom and Dad aren't getting back together again. A honkytonk might be the only place where this subject matter would be considered jolly, and Dwight is just the man to pull it off.

(If this isn't enough yuletide misery for you, check out last year in my Annotated Playlists!)

AuthorJohn Proctor